Armed with a mega megaphone I dash through the slide doors of Whoolworths: the local food provider. I clear my throat and with a maximal volume I make my entrance: “ATTENTION! ATTENTION!” Women with good-looking haircuts and stacked trolleys cease their gossip. “Though an apology for this abrupt disruption of your peaceful shopping session seems the most appropriate to start with – I won’t apologize, as this would be in complete contrast with the climax of this speech which is basically a permanent interruption of any similar scenario in which we find ourselves as we speak – as I speak I should say.” Dead silence. All eyes on me!
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN – let’s have a second to realise that this consumer kingdom in collaboration with plastic producing warlords are a bunch of criminals. This so-called SUPERmarket is stealing away a fabulous future by providing us with crap covered in evil glamorous containers and wrong tacky wrapping, and plastic bags as the final touch of their destructive operation.”
Confused faces facing me. A kid starts crying for chocolate. An old man continues moving towards the counter. Time to make my point. “May it be your rainbow coloured cereals, chia seeds, broccoli or banana’s: your favourite foodies can do without plastic! FELLOW EARTHLINGS: LETS PROTECT OUR PLANET AND SAY NO TO PLASTIC BAGS! VIVA LA PLASTIC FREE VIDA! Let me hear ya for PLASTIC FREE TUESDAY! Butcher boys: raise those blades! Shelf stackers, can I hear some can clattering! Cashiers, gimma some background beeps! Let us..”
*BEEP BEEP BEEEP* – “Good afternoon madam! How is your day? Do you have a Whoolworths rewards card?” There I am. Lined up with my fellow earthlings, putting my crap on the counter, waking up from a delusive daydream – and in a moment of disregard almost found my chia seeds packed in a plastic bag. One day though, I will take my megaphone. Until than, I just keep on writing blogs about boycotting the bad guys and their bloody plastic bags.